Breeding like Bunnies
by sunpop
Summary: -Complete- Byakuya hears a noise one night. !Scary! Then he is attacked by Chappyness! Who is behind this? Does that actually matter? Not really. Humour in Randomness


Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Byakuya owns my heart though.

Bleach fic! Of randomness! Been wanting to write this one for some time. Sort of…

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**Breeding like Bunnies**

-

Kuchiki Byakuya suddenly sat up. Frantically, he looked around in the dark – something was _there_. Someone was watching him.

In the right corner of his room!

He grabbed his pillow and threw it into the right corner. -Nothing-  
There was a soft _thunk_, as the pillow hit the floor.

He lit a lamp, drew back his sheets, and got out of the futon for his pillow. As his light crawled up the floor and illuminated the dark corner, a scattering of feathers appeared. Before his very blue/grey/a very nice color and hotly intense eyes, Kuchiki-sama's pillow shredded itself!! The feathers !flew! around in blizzard and temporarily blinded him!  
When it all settled, there were no more feathers, nor a pillowcase. He cast the lamp around, searching for the culprit. Only to see that his walls… had been patterned with Chappy the Bunny wallpapers.

He screamed.

The next morning, a lowly spirit awaked Kuchiki-sama, with her name we shall not concern ourselves, but she was very hot. He peeled open his eyelids with agonizing slowness, knowing that his walls were pasted full of horrible bunnies – he was not eager to burn his eyes out. However…  
IT WAS NOT ONLY HIS WALLS !:O!OMGNO!! But also his bed, the covers, and all his furniture, and his floor! And there, where his old, very fluffy and expensive pillow had been, was a stuffed Chappy the Bunny. _Smiling. _

-

That afternoon, Kuchiki-sama called Rukia-chan to his quarters. As she paid her respects on the Chappy the Bunny tatami in the Chappy the Bunny themed room, she couldn't help wondering why her _brother_ had become suddenly so obsessed with bunnies. They were soft, cuddly, cute and fuzzily undeniable… but he was scary. Kuchiki-sama never liked cute things, he loved fine things. Like that pair of silver silk boxers (with intricate gold dragons) he had gotten himself his last birthday, or that eyelash job he got last week. Looking up at him, robed in Chappy the Bunny printed clothing and sporting a bunny tattoo on his left cheek, right hand and feet, he looked very silly/scary/weird/very scary/freakish indeed.

'Ruuukia' Kuchiki-sama drawled out, not unlike Chappy, 'I've caalled you heer tuu inquiire about this-' he made a short choppy gesture around the room, '-haorror that has graaced my very haaandsume presence.'

Rukia-chan could not offer him any explanation.

-

When he ate that evening, he had carrots. Lots of raw carrots, and he nibbled them down. Abnormally large teeth seemed to have developed from his pearly whites. But Kuchiki-sama was feeling oddly happy despite his buckteeth. He made small talk with Rukia-chan and occasionally commented on the lovely weather. Rukia-chan excused herself from the supper when he started inquiring into as why Kurosaki-kun visited her every night.

'Well!' he huffed twiddling his chopsticks absently, 'How ruude. I was merely showing her braotherly concern.' He then started blushing and gleefully hugged himself. 'I luvluv being a big braother! Ruukia-chan is just tuu cuute!'

To purposely interrupt his dinner, two messenger shinigami busted in through the wall.

'Captain Kuchiki!'

Kuchiki-sama gave them an evil eye for disrupting his fantasy moment. They immediately wobleted into the floor and groveled.

'Mighty Kuchiki-sama' a frog whimpered into the floor, 'Your assistance is required in the human world.'

Silence

'Hollow.' And the frogs crawled back out through the hole in the wall. They left a piece of paper with the coordinates on his floor.

'I see…' Kuchiki-sama examined the paper. 'Okay!!' He jumped to the side as a set of doors appeared. His sword and a hellmoth also magically appeared. To note, his sheath had bunny stickers all over it.

Through the door! Out to the other side!

And THERE was the Hollow! Very scarry and big! Weird swirly mask and all. The Hollow looked at Kuchiki-sama and Kuchiki-sama's eyes started watering.

'Yo-you, you _stepped on my bunny!_'

The Hollow lifted his foot. AND KUCHIKI-SAMA ATTACKED! GO!! He's so smart XD

He hugged the Hollow. -Hug-  
And started bouncing on him, he was a very bouncy Hollow. -Bounce-

Then Kuchiki-sama produced some candy. It was the Big White Rabbit brand! He offered some to the Hollow, and the Hollow accepted. Then the Hollow bounced away into a hole and died. Kuchiki-sama won!

Kuchiki-sama blinked. He has become stoic again! Very hot and stoic! Oh, the sweeping elegance and overwhelming power his presence exuded. The shinigami in Soul Society around him dropped like flies – fainted from too much magnificence.

-

That night, when Kuchiki-sama was tucking himself in, there was a knock on his door. A large rabbit shaped silhouette could be seen through the rice paper, prowling. Kuchiki-sama squeaked and reached for his sword. He quickly muttered his Ban Kai - _Senbonzakura Kageyoshi _– and the shadow was diced.

ONLY TO BE REPLACED BY A MILLION SMALLER BUNNY SHADOWS!!!

Kuchiki-sama dove under the covers. But immediately erupted from the futon with a scream. SOMETHING HAD BITTEN HIM! On his elbow a small nip was bleeding.

He fainted.

-

He is running. Since when did he run? He always glided very fast. But he is running this time. Blindly. His breathing is hard and he is afraid. Of what? What is there? Behind him and chasing him. A light explodes behind his eyes and he screams. BUNNIES. They're THERE. Swimming around him. Around him, _around him _. _Smiling, frowning, crying, laughing,_ **_yelling at him._ **

-

Rukia-chan was sent to wake up Kuchiki-sama the next morning. She called him from the other side of the door. When she received no response, she slowly slid the screen open. Kuchiki-sama was nowhere in the room. However, there was a small white lump on his pillow. As Rukia-chan carefully crossed the room to his bed she noticed that it had reverted back to normal: bland but stylishly so.

Kneeling beside the futon Rukia-chan blinked. She plucked up a small furry animal from the pillow. It was a bunny, soft, sweet and – 'What is it doing in Onii-sama's room!? He hates rabbits!' Rukia-chan looked nervously around the room, but her onii-sama did not magically appear as he tended to. Rukia-chan quickly exited the room with the rabbit cradled in her arms.

When Ichigo came to visit her that night, he took delight in tormenting Rukia-chan's new pet. She named the bunny 'Mr. Chappy.'

-

end.

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Um, yeah. I'll understand if nobody reviews this… Thank you! It's not really funny, I just wish there was a 'random' genre. But still! Please review! 


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